This phrase is not only the title for one of the chapters in Mark DeMoss’s book The Little Red Book Of Wisdom but it is also incredibly good advice. To make his point he uses the confirmation hearings of Justice Samuel Alito where most senators spent almost all of their allotted thirty minutes for asking questions pontificating about their own political bias. At the end of the day we learned very little about the new prospective judge because he had no time to talk.
Mark has many great insights in this book and on this subject he writes, “It’s safe to say that in my life I have never learned a single thing while I was talking.” On the other hand his willingness to close his mouth and open his ears has given him a tremendous amount of knowledge from a variety of different people.
In corporate culture today the priority is on participative leadership that makes sure everyone on the team has a voice in the conversation. For that to happen the people that used to do all of the talking have to discipline themselves to now do most of the listening. Mark has another great quote when he says, “To dominate a meeting or conversation is not power, informed good judgment is power.”
When someone is a great listener it says several things about them. First, they are learners by nature and they seek out other people who can teach them something. Second, they are also humble because they do not always have to be the expert on everything and they are willing to be quiet and even give someone else the credit. Finally, they are relational because they want the other person to know that what they have to say and who they are as a person is important to them.
Mark believes that when a person is not a good listener, “it’s like standing on a balcony over breathtaking panorama and using the entire time to stare into a mirror.” OUCH!!